- 10 Plays
Not A Moment Too Soon
It seems that for the very first time in my life, I’m beginning to feel an undeniable certainty that nothing but God will satisfy any desire in my heart.
I’ve always loved Christianity more than I’ve loved Christ. That is - I’ve loved being saved more than the savior. Suddenly, that’s not good enough.
- 0 Plays
A fanatical rant
Maybe these ridiculous riots should shock me, but they really don’t. We, the people of the world, have worked tirelessly to establish a cult of self worship. In the west, our mode of worship is material. So even as the financial temple caves in, devotion is being expressed on the streets of our cities throughout the uk. This not a sudden change in social climate. The looting in London and Birmingham is not ‘those no good chavs causing trouble’. What we’re seeing is the sick heart of our entire culture, for a moment brought into the light. The sickness has been cultivated throughout our society - the wealthy cling to their wealth while the poor claw at it. We are all devout in our worship. I hope everything falls through. I hope the stock market collapses never to rise again. I hope money becomes nothing more than paper. I hope the thin veneer of self suffiency is ripped violently from our decadent culture. Maybe then we’ll be forced to acknowledge our sickness for what it is. Maybe then we’ll repent.
Just needed to get that out of my system!
And what is that thing I want? What is it that I crave and starve for and feel so deeply entitled to? Affirmation and appreciation. I feel Iike these are my rights and my sustenance. When they’re not made available to me in sufficient excess, I start feeling deprived and unloved. I respond first with subtle hinting, then shameless manipulation, and finally with the withdrawel of expressions of my love for others. And when love becomes a bargaining chip in that way, it stops being love at all. So, if I want to keep love, I’m going to have to lower the status of affirmation from necessity to luxury. This is The Kingdom, not a game of monopoly.
It’s amazing and sobering to realize how quickly my pride and sense of entitlement rise to the surface when something I really want is out of reach. I guess there’s nothing all that commendable about living a life of sacrifice when you’re only sacrificing things you don’t want all that much.
There’s something I want, and I feel like I’ll die if I don’t have it. But it’s not mine to take and it never will be. So I’m gonna have to man up and learn how to love unconditionally, or I’m gonna start losing what I have.
Think I’m on to something here…
Try reading exodus 20:4 and inserting the word ‘only’ before ‘punishing’. I’m not in the habit of adding to the Word, but I think that here it helps to illuminate the point God is making - his jealousy is demonstrated primarily in disproportionate favour and grace. I think punishment is only mentioned for contrast’s sake.
About time I did something.
I used to love blogging.
At least a few times a week I would find my body idle enough and my mind active enough that I would feel entirely compelled to write some kind of essay or something. I was also probably writing more songs then.
I guess that for me, creativity is something won’t grow in bad soil. I have to carefully make time and space for it, defending and feeding the part of my mind that has a natural output in music and writing. And that’s something i haven’t done so much since moving to Coventry. BUT!!!! I’m gonna change that. I’m making more space for writing, blogging, thinking and praying.
Things are changing a lot right now in terms of process I go through to arrive at any given expression. More and more things are starting between God and I and then growing from there. I’m hoping it’ll lead to a much higher level of authenticity I do, and also that it’ll override the usual nervousness and stress that I feel in putting forward ‘my work’
Hopefully these blogs will get more interesting as get back into the habit. So stick around!
In the mean time, here are some genuinely interesting things:
Local Natives - a stunning band from the USA with brilliant songs and sounds.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ROw6w7BZT18
Liftshare - a website dedicated to an ethical and economical way of travellingwww.liftshare.com
Inbflat - a very simple and cool project that has brought a bunch of musicians together to produce some very satisfying sounds. www.inbflat.net
I love those ten minutes when they’ve taken effect but I’m staying awake. Every moment, my bed grows more irresistible and I know that it wont be long before I give in to its powers.